definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
