About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
