proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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