pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
