you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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