i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
