I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize