So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
