Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
