he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
