I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
And then my night got REAL pukey
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize