fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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