im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize