yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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