who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
