Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
