So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
