You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
