I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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