I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
