Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you made out with another girl for some wings
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
