Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
