i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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