I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
