I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
