very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Randomize
