Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
