girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
