home. puking in laundry basket.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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