I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize