420 ftw
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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