His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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