I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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