He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
