like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
