he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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