Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
