____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
