oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize