Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
