I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
