Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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