well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
