Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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