I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize