So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
