this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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