I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
