his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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