since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize