it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Randomize
