The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My cat gives me a boner
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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