terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
