Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
