she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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