she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
