Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
