Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
