I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
