I accidentally had phone sex last night
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
