So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
