wanna go halves on a baby?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Everclear isn't food dammit
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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