No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
