you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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