what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
