just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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