Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
