WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
50% drunk capacity currently
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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