so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
