just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Randomize
