i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
