and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize