Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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