I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
