p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
