it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
