I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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