There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
