don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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