I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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