their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
