Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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