i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
