So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
