I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
