Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
