How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
