Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize