He uses pillows to masturbate.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just gargled with NyQuil
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
