I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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