Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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