I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
