im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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