I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
