you traded sex for a burrito?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I can't trust your balls anymore.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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