Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
