I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
