JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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