Sry I called you an 8
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
