Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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