So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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