i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
