you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
