; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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