Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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