If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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